Chicken Machete

Chicken Machete is the Guys Read  field office I started November 2010 at my son’s school.

Our stats: 
By the end of the 2010-2011 school year, we had 80 boys in grades three through six who met every other Monday during lunch.

Top 10 “what I like to read”
Books about war and/or weapons
Books with at least one massive sword fight
All Wimpy Kid books
World records or other weird facts
Anything having to do with Percy Jackson
Monsters and ghost stories
Books that explain how things work
Books about sports or athletes
Joke books
Cereal boxes

Illustration by the
awesome Weston McCane

Our recommendations:
“Books that explain how things work”:

The Coolest Cross Sections Ever by Richard Platt; illustrated by Stephen Biesty
Recommended by Xander, 3rd grade, “because the drawings are awesome. You can see inside stuff.”

“All Wimpy Kid books”:
Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney
Recommended by Adam, grade 3, “because it’s funny and it has comics in it.”

• Chicken Machete Book reviews:

How to Grow Up and Rule the World by Vordak the Incomprehensible (Minion author: Scott Seegert, Minion illustrator: John Martin)

 Reviewed by Malzor the Unmercifully Heartless*

 My evil plan to rule the world includes influencing as many minds as possible by getting them to read the books that I like.  So, my minion horde, you must help me find readers for this book.
Start with yourself, of course, right away, then recommend it to everyone you see.  You might think that freely spreading smiles and laughter is not the mark of evil, but that’s all part of my plan’s ingenious, insidious enticement.  By exposing you to this evil guide by Vordak the Incomprehensible, I will both influence your thinking so it is more in line with my own and gain your trust as a source of reliable recommendations.
Unless you are an entirely pathetic, ignorant whelp, you will find yourself enlightened and amused by this guide, and I, Malzor the Unmercifully Heartless, will be one step closer to joining the ranks of Darth Vader, Dr. Evil, MegaMind, Lex Luthor, Magneto, Dr. Horrible, Professor Poopypants, Alfred E. Neuman, and Wimpy Kid.  Then it won’t be long until you are holding weekly parades in my honor so that all may bask in the splendor of my magnificent majesty, the magnificence of my majestic splendor, or the majesty or my splendiferous magnificence.
I’ll even, in my magnanimous wisdom, share a free tidbit or two to tempt you:

“If there is one thing a Superhero enjoys more than anything about battling a Supervillain, it’s the clever dialogue.  Well, he probably enjoys punching the Supervillain repeatedly in the face a bit more, but that’s it . . . aside from trashing the Supervillain’s lair.  And maybe beating up his henchmen.  But clever dialogue is definitely right up there.
Since you will be facing off against your own arch-nemesis with great frequency, it is important that you learn to hold your own in the verbal arena and not become trapped in his web of clichés. . . .”
(From Chapter 3: “SUPERHEROES—Noble Upholders of Justice or Big, Fat, Stupid Jerks?”)

“Sidenote: Eleventh Commandment of Incomprehensibility
From time to time it will become necessary to create a powerful new adjective, such as chaptabulous, in order to maintain your air of vocabulatory superiority—particularly when you cannot find your Thesaurus of Evil.”
(From Chapter 5: “Building a Top-Notch EVIL Organization”)

*The new moniker of Chris Koppenhaver, established via  Vordak the Incomprehensible’s Inconceivably Evil Evil Name Generator. (See Chapter 2: “Getting a Jump on Your EVIL Career”)